Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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