Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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