youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
