girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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