I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
