Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
