I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
