If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize