I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
