Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
