respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Randomize
