I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
