I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize