More tranny stories later!
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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