I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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