All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My vagina just clenched in fear
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
false alarm, still single
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