just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
