I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
how drunk are you?
Several
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
