Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
