Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
being pregnant is like rehab
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize