i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
