When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
