I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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