yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
