I can text with my tongue
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
