she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
