I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
