Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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