I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
