Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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