I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
