Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
look no pants
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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