i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
