i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
