Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
