3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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