And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
