I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
