What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
