Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I still have a little drunk in my system
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
