i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
