Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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