He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
