dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
