i think my mom watched the whole time
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
