no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
