How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
