I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
