Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
