I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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