i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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