do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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