Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
