FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
