she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
