You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
