she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
