I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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