im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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