I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
ttyl tear gas
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
