dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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