if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this hospital has no fireball
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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