if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
