Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
