So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think your dad took our porno
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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