"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I bet he comes in French.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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