why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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