Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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