I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
