i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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