I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
