Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
