my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
