Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
