The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
