I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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