considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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