oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize