Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
