I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
