Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
