Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So much Jack, so little girl.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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