...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
