At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
